Anxiety is a deeply human experience. Whether it’s worry about the future, fears about our performance, or lingering self-doubt, it can often feel as if our mind has a life of its own. In Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry by Jennifer Shannon, the author uses a compelling metaphor to describe this inner chaos: the “monkey mind.” Through practical strategies rooted in cognitive behavioral therapys (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Shannon shows readers how to quiet their mental noise and reclaim peace. This article explores the core themes of the book and how they can be applied to everyday life.
The Monkey Mind Explained: Why Your Brain Acts This Way
Jennifer Shannon introduces the concept of the “monkey mind” to describe the reactive, fearful, and often irrational part of our thinking. This metaphor stems from Buddhist traditions, where the monkey mind is seen as a restless, unsettled, and easily distracted mental state. Shannon modernizes the metaphor by suggesting that our monkey minds evolved to keep us safe from danger — constantly scanning for threats, catastrophizing, and pushing us to seek control.
In today’s world, this survival mechanism often backfires. We’re no longer in the jungle being chased by predators, but our monkey mind hasn’t caught up. Instead of protecting us, it fuels anxiety about things like job performance, relationships, social acceptance, or finances. Shannon explains that the mind’s job is to think — to solve, plan, and predict — but when we treat all thoughts as facts, we give too much power to the monkey.
She stresses that anxiety thrives when we try to get rid of it. Every time we avoid a feared situation or obsessively try to control uncertainty, we “feed” the monkey — reinforcing its belief that anxiety is something to be feared or obeyed.
Breaking the Cycle: Acceptance Over Avoidance
One of the most powerful themes in Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind is the idea that fighting anxiety only makes it stronger. Shannon draws heavily on ACT principles to teach readers that trying to eliminate anxiety is a trap. The more we resist it, the more persistent it becomes. Instead, she encourages a radically different approach: acceptance.
This doesn’t mean giving up or resigning yourself to a life of anxiety. Instead, it means learning to sit with discomfort without letting it dictate your actions. Shannon introduces simple but effective strategies like naming the emotion, observing thoughts without judgment, and practicing mindfulness. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, the goal is not to eliminate the fear before presenting — it’s to speak even while the fear is present.
Acceptance allows us to stop feeding the monkey mind by refusing to play its game. You no longer need to argue with irrational thoughts or prove them wrong. Instead, you learn to coexist with them while choosing actions based on your values, not your fears.
The Three Anxiety Feeders: Safety, Control, and Approval
Shannon identifies three key “feeders” that sustain and strengthen the monkey mind: the need for safety, the need for control, and the need for approval. Each of these is a common human desire — but when they dominate our thoughts and behavior, they become barriers to growth and peace.
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Safety: The anxious mind constantly asks, “What if?” This need for safety leads to avoidance behaviors that shrink our world. By refusing to take emotional or social risks, we limit our potential.
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Control: People with anxiety often feel a strong desire to control their thoughts, environment, and even other people’s reactions. But Shannon emphasizes that this desire is ultimately futile and exhausting. is an illusion, and the more we chase it, the more anxious we become.
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Approval: Social anxiety often stems from a desperate need for approval. Whether it’s the fear of being judged, disliked, or rejected, this need keeps us hyper-vigilant about how we appear to others. Shannon helps readers detach from this need and start showing up authentically, even if it means risking disapproval.
Recognizing which feeder is dominant in your anxiety can be a breakthrough. It gives you insight into your patterns and offers a starting point for practicing new, more empowering behaviors.
Building a Life Worth Living: Values and Courage
Ultimately, Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind isn’t just about managing anxiety — it’s about building a meaningful life. Shannon argues that the best way to shrink anxiety is not to focus on reducing it, but to expand your life beyond it. This means clarifying your values — the things that matter most to you — and taking committed action toward them, even when anxiety shows up.
Shannon offers exercises to help readers identify their values and create a vision for the kind of life they want. Whether it’s being a present parent, a creative artist, a loving partner, or an adventurous traveler, anxiety often tries to stand in the way. But by making values-driven choices, you can stop letting fear dictate your path.
She emphasizes the importance of courage over comfort. You don’t need to be fearless — you need to act in spite of fear. This shift reframes anxiety as something to move through, not something to avoid. The result? A richer, fuller life — not because anxiety is gone, but because it no longer runs the show.
Conclusion
Jennifer Shannon’s Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind offers a compassionate and practical guide to understanding and transforming anxiety. Through clear metaphors, personal anecdotes, and evidence-based tools, she invites readers to stop resisting their fears and instead relate to them in a new way. By practicing acceptance, identifying the core feeders of anxiety, and aligning our actions with our values, we can gradually retrain the anxious brain.
Anxiety may never disappear completely — and that’s okay. But it can lose its grip. As Shannon reminds us, the key to peace of mind isn’t in silencing the monkey — it’s in refusing to feed it.
